| Surprisingly, that was rather good. It sounds a bit more like you're just randomly talking and just happened to have the AABB rhyme scheme happening, also, I've noticed a bit of grammatical errors as well. With those things out of the way, I would say you did a good job. Perhaps breaking the entire stanza into two or three sentences rather than just one with a bunch of commas would give it a smoother feeling, for me at least. I would stick another stanza between the fifth and the sixth ones though because from my understanding the entire life has been nothing but drug abuse, and a single song changed that entirely, so I would explain the thoughts going through that person's head, and perhaps a bit of the song as well. |