| Personally, it sounds more like a rap song than a poem. I mean, the only way I can imagine this out loud - given the huge changes in line length, the fairly simplistic rhyming pattern, etc. - is when being performed by an iced out black guy on MTV.
Like Xephia said, you need to work on rhythm. I'd offer more detailed criticism, but I really don't see much worth salvaging in this poem. There is virtually no use of figurative devices or imagery; the rhyme scheme is simplistic and repetitive; and the content itself has been done to death. Start over, but think of poetic conventions this time. There's a vast difference between making a couple lines rhyme and writing a poem. | 
