Read my paragraphs, please?

S0LAR ECLiPSE · 03-09-2008, 03:48 PM

I feel really strongly about this paper, and I want it to be good. It also tells me if I get to promote or not. So tips would be nice. They're short because the paper CANNOT be over 3 pages. -.-
It's pretty bad >.>
So tips pleeeease. Here's paragraph number 1

The history of African American prejudice began when slaves were bought over to America from various countries in Africa. The slaves where only here in America to do the work the owners did not want to do, such as, picking cotton in the south. They were sold to different people, for different reasons, causing some families to be split apart for the rest of their lives. Black men and women were bred like animals for strength and or skills. When it came to documentation of blacks, they were listed as property, and not just regular humans. In the Constitution, blacks were listed as 3/5's of a person. Later in history, slaves were free but did not have the equal rights as white men and women. They could not marry the person of their choice, they didn't have the same legal rights, and they could not practice the religion they wanted. When black men served for World War II, the many brave heroes were not honored or thoroughly honored for what they did for America, simply because they were black. During the 50's and 60's, the treatment of African Americans was better than the past, but still not completely fixed. The Southern hate group called the Klu Klux Klan would burn crosses, houses, and churches of people, because of their color. When it came to riding the buses, Blacks had to sit in the back, and when a white person would enter the bus, and a black person was in a spot the white person wanted, African Americans would have to get up and move to another part of the bus. When Rosa Parks broke this “law” she was considered a hero for her deed. After this, African Americans boycotted the bus system until the laws were changed. This boycott showed the the anger and outrage of how blacks were treated. It also showed the unity and courage that blacks had, together.

L i e b e · 03-09-2008, 03:56 PM

"when slaves were bought over" --brought over
"did not want to do, such as, picking cotton" --such as picking cotton
"person of their choice, they didn't have" --choice; they didn't
"the many brave heroes were not honored or thoroughly honored for" --were not honored, or were not thoroughly honored
"burn crosses, houses, and churches of people, because of their color" --and churches of black people because of their color
"Blacks had to sit in the back, and when a white" --back; and when
"broke this “law” she was considered" --broke this "law," she was considered
"courage that blacks had, together." --had together

Those are the grammatical mistakes I found.
Other than that, it's nicely written.

S0LAR ECLiPSE · 03-09-2008, 03:57 PM

Yeah. I know theirs a lot of grammatical errors. I'm still working on it xD.

S0LAR ECLiPSE · 03-09-2008, 04:02 PM

THIS IS THE INTRO.
Prejudice is the offspring and counterpart of hate. It is influenced from media, peers, and the way people were raised, and who they were raised by. Making assumptions about a race is the most common of prejudice. The outcomes are hate groups, such as the Klu Klux Klan, and major historical corruptions such as genocide, and hate crimes. From slavery, to the Holocaust, and even to the modern problems occuring in Darfur, prejudice shows it's face everywhere and it can be in anyone. One of it's faces is making one feel that their race or status makes them more superior to another. Prejudice is not always race, but can refer itself to disabilities, sexual orientation, physical features, religion, and even someone's culture. My choice of prejudice for my paper is against African Americans. I chose this topic because I find that this particular prejudice is still VERY strong, it may be somewhat hidden, but never the less, it goes on so much in our society. We have come a long way from the problems and corruptions that were happening and even accepted in America, but like every other hate, it still survives and always will, but we can try to change it and break the future chain from hitting our generations.