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06-01-2008, 07:57 PM
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#1 (permalink)
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nukeofwar is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: California Age: 14 Posts: 470 Rep Power: 0 | Bob The Fpser
Let me set the story for you.
It all starts about 4 days ago, bob wakes up one morning after getting home from his "Straight A" celebration party.
He heads over to his computer to check his email when he see's a small ad for a game, a game called "Counter Strife Source".
He clicks the link being the boy he was and gets a game full of guns and blood, at first he played an hour or two, but now he plays till he's blue.
Bob has managed to get Straight F's in 3 days, no suprize as the bob walks in wearing camo drag, his hair full of grease with camo makeup on his face.
Now we now what Fps, roflzomg BOOM HEAD SHOT from me to you.
eh i saw some poems and made this i believe it is under the category of, Free Verse?
i have no clue don't do poems much. | |
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06-02-2008, 03:21 AM
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#2 (permalink)
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FireWrath is offline
Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3,217 Rep Power: 0 | There's too much I dislike about this. There's no pattern at all, and by that I mean no stanzas, couplets, actual rhyme scheme. Your choice of word also could have been better. Perhaps in a better style, or maybe just a breaking it down to a few stanzas and alter a bunch of things here and there and it could be decent. | |
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06-02-2008, 06:01 AM
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#3 (permalink)
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nukeofwar is offline
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: California Age: 14 Posts: 470 Rep Power: 0 | Quote:
Originally Posted by FireWrath  There's too much I dislike about this. There's no pattern at all, and by that I mean no stanzas, couplets, actual rhyme scheme. Your choice of word also could have been better. Perhaps in a better style, or maybe just a breaking it down to a few stanzas and alter a bunch of things here and there and it could be decent. | kk, whats a stanza? i missed poetry in class last week. | |
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06-03-2008, 08:18 PM
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#4 (permalink)
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FireWrath is offline
Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3,217 Rep Power: 0 | A poem's paragraph. | |
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06-03-2008, 08:22 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | olol.
Simultaneous is offline
Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Washington State Age: 21 Posts: 1,059 Rep Power: 5 | Yeah, it's basically a poorly written paragraph. Adding line breaks doesn't make it a poem.
No offense to Bob. | |
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06-06-2008, 07:00 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Sick 'em up, little buddy
Fortunato is offline
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Iowa City, IA. Age: 20 Posts: 2,514 Rep Power: 11 | I didn't recognize this as a poem at first. I guess it could be if you really tried hard to classify it...
But bleh. There's so much wrong with this. First, I'd say correct the grammar and capitalization errors. Then, try to find some rhythm and artistry. Right now, it's just words thrown on a page, seemingly at random. Any meaning you wanted to have is lost in the background noise of poor writing. | |
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