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05-23-2008, 03:37 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Mrs. BK201
oneone is offline
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Ontariio Posts: 860 Rep Power: 3 | Farewell, Friend
Well, I was browsing through my files and came across this poem of mine. I'd like to share one of my poems that I wrote in grade 9 for an English project. I know it's not very good and lacks a lot of devices. Forgot to put [CQ] in the topic but please feel free to comment. Here it is (hopefully, the image doesn't stretch the page): 
Last edited by oneone; 05-23-2008 at 03:40 PM.
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05-24-2008, 05:31 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | Banned
JahKno is offline
Join Date: May 2008 Location: A place Age: 18 Posts: 56 Rep Power: 0 | I like it, something i can relate to. | |
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05-24-2008, 07:48 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Lost in lust
Unregenerate Passion is offline
Join Date: May 2008 Location: Your Coffin Posts: 711 Rep Power: 3 | May I ask who this was for? I also really liked it 
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05-25-2008, 07:14 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Mrs. BK201
oneone is offline
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Ontariio Posts: 860 Rep Power: 3 | To be honest, it wasn't for someone in particular. 
However, I believe my hamster died around that period I think, perhaps I wrote it with her in mind. Still unsure...  | |
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05-25-2008, 10:35 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Underground
SKITS0 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: WonderLand Age: 15 Posts: 333 Rep Power: 3 | Ooo... Very nice it's seems like it was for someone who Died. Passed away maybe. Who knows it's beautiful though. Good job. That could mean alot to someone. | |
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05-25-2008, 10:53 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Banned
FireWrath is offline
Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3,215 Rep Power: 0 | You could have improved it in a couple of places and chosen better wording in a some other places, but for a ninth grade project it wouldn't be too bad. I wouldn't exactly give it an A because it could have been improved, like perhaps keeping up a rhythm because it seems like you tried, but it didn't quite work out. Another thing you could have done was add a bit to it, maybe give examples of the better times. Also, the unhappy face turning into a full-blown smile about to pop of joy sends the opposite message, and I would suggest it would be the other way around because the poem is supposed to be sad, yet it looks like you're getting happier and happier. | |
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05-26-2008, 09:32 AM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Mrs. BK201
oneone is offline
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Ontariio Posts: 860 Rep Power: 3 | Quote:
Originally Posted by FireWrath  Also, the unhappy face turning into a full-blown smile about to pop of joy sends the opposite message, and I would suggest it would be the other way around because the poem is supposed to be sad, yet it looks like you're getting happier and happier. | I never noticed that...good point though. I
Last edited by oneone; 05-27-2008 at 02:03 PM.
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