A modern play.

[Mel?]

Decided to write a play.
There's a vague plan, but I don't know where it's headed.
I'll add onto it when I write it. This is mostly fo' fun.


CAST LIST:
Gregory • David • Samantha • Trixy • Shopkeeper Sal

SCENE 1: I'LL FOLLOW YOU INTO THE DARK

GREGORY and SAMANTHA sit next to each other under a willow tree. They're sitting close, but in no way in contact with one another. They are detached from each other. The sun is setting overhead.


SAMANTHA
Look at the sunset. Isn't it beautiful? It's crazy to think that it's all from pollution.

(There is a long pause. Samantha pushes her blonde hair from her face.)

GREGORY
You should head inside, Sam. You can't stay angry forever.

SAMANTHA
Yeah, I can.

GREGORY
What did he do this time?

SAMANTHA
He's being stupid.

GREGORY
Well, that's nothing new.

(Samantha laughs)

SAMANTHA
It's just that....well, I dunno. I knew it was going to be hard, but I didn't expect it to be THIS hard with him.

GREGORY
He's a piece of work, isn't he? You're doing a good thing, Sam.

SAMANTHA
I know, but how can I keep on seeing him when he does things like that to me?

GREGORY
Hey, come on, Sam. My brother, he loves you. Sometimes he just...has trouble showing it.

SAMANTHA
(scoffs) Yeah, more like most of the time. (She turns her body to Gregory) We barely ever see each other. How am I supposed to know what he's doing when he's at school? He used to be always there for me now. But lately....

(Samantha inches closer to Gregory. By this time Gregory has noticed, and is inclined to turn a bit towards her as well. They are so close, they have resorted to whispering.)

GREGORY
But lately what?

SAMANTHA
Lately...well...I wish I had dated you instead.

(Samantha moves in to kiss Gregory. Gregory seems stunned for a moment, but quickly recovers, kissing her back. The scene ends with DAVID staring from the house window.)











SCENE 2: ALL THAT I NEED

GREGORY walks into a corner store, and takes a look down the aisles nervously. The place has bars on the windows. There is a lot of background noise coming from outside. SHOPKEEPER SAL is at the counter. His eyes are focused on GREGORY until he comes up to the counter.

GREGORY
Can I get a pack of Camel Lights,please?

SHOPKEEPER SAL
I.D., please.

GREGORY
I left it at home.

(SHOPKEEPER SAL scowls at the comment, as if it is a mortal sin.)

SHOPKEEPER SAL
Then no deal, kid. You know the deal. Eighteen or over for some smokes.

(GREGORY frowns. All of his emotions are on his face.)

GREGORY
I swear I'm nineteen. Can't you just give me the benefit of the doubt, sir? Please.

SHOPKEEPER SAL
Why should I give you the benefit of the doubt? You look like a downright thug.

GREGORY
Please....just let me buy some. I really need them. Really.

SHOPKEEPER SAL
I'm sure you do. But without an I.D., I can't sell you any. It's the law,kid.

(GREGORY's head hangs, his black hair falling into his eyes. He turns to head out. He manages a smile.)

GREGORY
Sorry for wasting your time, then.

(GREGORY's politeness has finally softened SHOPKEEPER SAL.)

SHOPKEEPER SAL
Hey, wait just a sec kid.

(The moment GREGORY turns around, a pack of cigs is thrown. GREGORY catches them.)

SHOPKEEPER SAL
Just take 'em. Free of charge.

GREGORY
Thanks. But I really can't.

(GREGORY sifts through his pockets to put the only change he had on the counter. It's around a dollar.)

SHOPKEEPER SAL
Hey, kid. What's this? I told you they were for free.

GREGORY
No, they're not. I'm not going to be a beggar. Thank you, though.

(GREGORY exits the corner store. SHOPKEEPER SAL sighs and looks down a the change. He shakes his head.)

SHOPKEEPER SAL
Whatta kid....Whatta kid.











SCENE 3: THIS IS THE WAY THAT WE LOVE

Gregory is sitting at a bench in the park. He's smoking. It's early in the morning, and the sun is coming up. The old lady he has sat next to has finally gotten up and left. Enter TRIXY. TRIXY is walking past the bench. TRIXY stands out.


TRIXY
You got another one?

GREGORY
What?

TRIXY
Oh Jesus, don't tell me you're deaf. Do. You. Have. Another. Cig.

(GREGORY's lips curve into a smile. He is confused, but happily so. He reaches from his pocket and hands her a cigarette.)

GREGORY
There. Is that it?

TRIXY
Wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight. You give me a cig, but you don't give me a fuckin' light? The nerve.

(By this time TRIXY is smiling just as much as GREGORY is at her. GREGORY stifles laughter and lights her cigarette with a lighter. TRIXY inhales a bit then blows it out slowly.)

TRIXY
Yuck. Are these lights? This is just like decaf coffee. Just a watered down version of the regular thing.

(TRIXY moves to sit next to GREGORY. Their sides are touching.)

GREGORY
I don't want to get cancer.

TRIXY
You're aren't serious, are you? Smoking causes cancer. What makes you think smoking lights makes you less at risk?

GREGORY
....I don't know.

TRIXY
Exactly. But don't worry, everyone's going to die of cancer anyways. But not me. I'm going to live forever. Because I'm magic.

(GREGORY pulls a grin, turning towards TRIXY. He mirrors SAMANTHA's movements from SCENE 1.)

GREGORY
You're magic? That's less logical than me smoking 'Lights' to have a lesser chance of getting cancer.

(TRIXY laughs and grins back. She puts a hand on the top of his thigh. She waits until their eyes meet before kissing him slowly.)

TRIXY
Yeah, I am magic, dude. And I just worked my magic on you.

(There's a long pause before Gregory speaks. He's confused.)

GREGORY
...I'm Gregory.

Trixy
Oh, that's nice. Call me Trixy. ...Meet me here later?

GREGORY
What time?

TRIXY
Eight? Nine?

GREGORY
I'm busy. ...How about eleven?

TRIXY
Good. But you better not be late.

GREGORY
Not even fashionably?

TRIXY
Fashion is overrated.

GREGORY
What?

(GREGORY and TRIXY look at each other for a moment. They soon burst out laughing.)

[Fortunato]

Some of the stage directions feel more cinematic than theatrical; for example, the last one states "The scene ends with David staring at them from a window" which feels a lot more like a camera cutaway than a theatrical direction. There's a balance of specificity with stage directions; you have to find a place where you can still give the director room to operate but be specific enough to give them a starting line. It might help to have a point where David enters and slowly moves across the scene, before ending behind the window watching the two. Unless you mean for this to be more cinematic, in which case you have a lot more freedom of convention.

[Mel?]

I understand what you mean. I think it's supposed to be more like a script for a movie, rather than a production. So yeah, cinematic.
Thanks for the critique, though.
I'm rather inexperienced in this area, so it's good to get feedback.

[sidespin]

Well this is pretty good, it isn't a very original idea for a story but it could get better once you write more. I want to see what happens so post when you write more

[Mel?]

Haha. Thanks.
I added two scenes.
Over time, things should come together and make so much sense that everything will be making beautiful, non-contradicting love with everything.

Feedback is always appreciated.

[ASHTEHCOMMIE]

you should turn it into a horror story; make greg grow a horn or something; throw in a few zombies maybe an explosion?

[Mel?]

Haha. It's definitely going to turn to the negative side pretty soon.

[sidespin]

Hmm I really like the new scenes , what is going to happen between him and Trixy?