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Old 05-18-2008, 09:41 AM   #21 (permalink)
is waiting.

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Well, the first line is supposed to be a sort of prolouge. Just like, telling what had happened.
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Old 05-21-2008, 10:53 AM   #22 (permalink)
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I liked the AABB rhyme scheme and it's nicely written, something I could never accomplish in my life.

What stood out most for me was how you started off with a pessimistic tone and shifted to a more hopeful tone regarding the elder's song.

I wasn't sure about the part when you talked about smashing the gifts and getting confined though.
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Old 05-24-2008, 06:03 PM   #23 (permalink)
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That was great. At the beginning I thought it was going to be wicked emo but it turned out being really awesome.
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