Poem: Immense Dreams

[Cyrus]

Sitting close to me
Watching the stars in the skies
Laying in your arms
And staring in your eyes
Everything is complete
My heart is finally one
My life starting to feel
Like its story has begun
But my mind begins to wander
And a surge of pain travels through
My entire body numbs
At the thought of losing you
But the realization you're here
Starts to set back in
I can feel the happiness
Rising up within
My heart starts beating
now it's in sync with yours
And I pull you closer
Thinking there couldn't be more
Your face leans close
Our lips touch
You caress my skin
As my mind starts to clutch
The sanity it's losing
By being here with you
But the truth is
There's nothing I'd rather do
So here I am
Falling head over heels
Please dont ever stop
The way you're making me feel
I open my eyes
As the light from dawn sets in
Your arms around me
Caressing my skin
Yes this fairytale
Is as good as it seems
I dont have to wake up
Because you are my dream

[Spotlaonda]

its very good really..

[Fortunato]

Eh. It's a freeverse poem. The rhyming scheme is consistent. That's about all I can say for it. I mean, I don't really like poems with this rhyming scheme; it all ends up sounding silly and whimsical because the couplet structure just encourages that rhythm. The line length tends to change a bit, so there's not much else to lend structure or flow to it; if you were to pick a definite meter, you could more effectively control the tone, even with the rhyming pattern. Still, it's good for what it is.

[Cyrus]

I tried to extend a few lines or shorten them, but it wouldn't work out for me. I'm not very good at all but I try.

[Fortunato]

Well, you get better from practice. Seriously; the hardest part is posting the poem and asking for feedback, so props for that. :3

[Cyrus]

Thanks Bun, for that post and the one in the other thread. I was laying off but then it got the best of me.

I have a few free verse poems that I am working on, any suggestions?

[Fortunato]

Really, my biggest suggestion to anyone getting into poetry is to stop writing freeverse. Challenge yourself; find a meter. Make rules for yourself to follow, or pick meters that already exist, and try expressing the same sentiment in a poem that follows a specific meter. It can be hard at first, but you'll end up being a far better poet. Probably the easiest would be to try your hand at writing sonnets following iambic pentameter, and then go from there.

[Cyrus]

Okay I will do that. I have a few Parodies that I wrote, can I post them here?

[Theebomb1080]

Oh, Cyrus this poem is actually pretty good. I like it.

[Nomz]

Awwww! x'D That was sooo sweet x3
Wow I was almost crying