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04-11-2008, 01:33 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| Banned  
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: New Jersey Age: 13 Posts: 953 Rep Power: 0 | She.
She is the one who knows me
she shows through me
and into me.
I know she can read me
my thoughts, very deeply.
She loves me I know
Her actions tell me so.
She is the one who knows me.
[very short]
[Written for a girl I like]
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04-11-2008, 01:35 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| Underground 
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: under masterjoe's bed <3 Age: 18 Posts: 1,118 Rep Power: 4 | Aw, how sweet. | |
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04-11-2008, 01:38 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| Nomhak Fan 0003
Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: The land of the Greek Gods. Age: 16 Posts: 2,118 Rep Power: 6 | CUUUUUUUUUUTE.
I have a poem like this.
__________________ 
SLICK RICK. says:
his infinitely hard and large ePenis has gone flaccid. | |
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04-11-2008, 01:45 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| Banned 
Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3,215 Rep Power: 0 | I'm not a fan of this poetic style at all, but I suppose it's not too bad. The majority of the lines end with "me," and three that don't, which make it seem out of place, especially because there's a rhythm to it though "know" and "so" arguably rhyme. | |
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04-11-2008, 03:28 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| Banned
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: New Jersey Age: 13 Posts: 953 Rep Power: 0 | Please firewrath, criticize me always with your indispositional touch! | |
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04-11-2008, 05:39 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| Banned
Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3,215 Rep Power: 0 | First of all, I said you did a good job. Second, I was simply giving my opinion on the poem, if you don't want me to criticize it, then don't post it. After all, that's what we do in Writer's Haven. | |
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04-11-2008, 05:42 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| Whatever You Like.
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: 407, Florida. Age: 16 Posts: 2,643 Rep Power: 11 | Quote:
Originally Posted by FireWrath  First of all, I said you did a good job. Second, I was simply giving my opinion on the poem, if you don't want me to criticize it, then don't post it. After all, that's what we do in Writer's Haven. | Eh. You never said Good Job. But I lied it a lot. i liked the way it rhymed. It was a refreshing type of rhyme. Unique. | |
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04-11-2008, 05:48 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| Banned
Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 3,215 Rep Power: 0 | Quote:
Originally Posted by FireWrath Iit's not too bad | The rest was constructive criticism, and is used to improve. It does him no good if you simply say, "oh good job" because there's no actual input. Even when Bunneh writes something, I'm sure everyone agrees that his work is very well written, yet I still throw my opinion at him, whether he takes it or not is on him, but I'm sure he knows I'm not just trying to be a dick but rather help him. | |
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04-11-2008, 05:51 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| Whatever You Like.
Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: 407, Florida. Age: 16 Posts: 2,643 Rep Power: 11 | Iit's not too bad = A statement used to rank or support something
Good Job = A congratulatory statement to the creator of something.
Very different. | |
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04-11-2008, 05:56 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| is waiting.
Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Southern California Posts: 2,423 Rep Power: 9 | It was... ok. I'm all for what FireWrath said. I'm not a fan of this style wither, but it wasn't a terrible poem.
Two people criticizing you constructively isn't a bad thing. It means you have potential, or we wouldn't have said anything at all.
__________________  Hodizzle is my sexy GFXer <333. Imani is my sexy black eLover. ;D.
Neko is my super duper sexy eLover. Ruzzeh is my fucking sexy eLover.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruzzeh K MY TURN
elbow: ruzzxeh
nose: ruzzeh
head: 453r87uyiwe234gtyhu :c | Awww Ruzz ;-;. | |
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