A Short Story I'm Working On.

**Husky** · 06-25-2008, 03:36 PM

As the night grew darker, Katy knew she was in trouble. The faint sounds of her city’s violent screams made chills go down her back. There was only one path to get out of this gruesome investment, and Katy wasn’t on it. In fact, she was on the opposite of what you would call that path. The only option she had was to pile though that mess, with just a shirt, pants, and worn out converses. The young and pretty 15 year old had to bare seeing hundreds of ghastly corpses throughout the city streets in a night-lit maze.

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I'm currently working on it everyday, and I know it sounds a little cliche. I have been getting mixed signals of Dawn of the Dead, and other zombie-like movies. The hard part for me is finding creative ways to make it seem different. Like when Katy finds new people, and where she finds them. If they have a weapon, how to kill the zombies, that kind of stuff. Hope to finish it sometime this summer, just felt like giving a preview.

You may criticize if you feel like it, no harm done =).

~~*FireWrath*~~ · 06-25-2008, 03:54 PM

Well this looks like it has quite a bit of potential, even though this type of thing has been done quite a few times. The wording doesn't exactly stand out or pop out as something a professional author would use, per say, and it looks a bit childish, but getting past that the story could easily override that annoyance I see. This particular piece you've chosen to share with us is too short to criticize on when it comes to the story, so I can't say I have much to say on that except perhaps give you ideas as to what should or could happen next.

**Husky** · 06-25-2008, 03:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FireWrath

Well this looks like it has quite a bit of potential, even though this type of thing has been done quite a few times. The wording doesn't exactly stand out or pop out as something a professional author would use, per say, and it looks a bit childish, but getting past that the story could easily override that annoyance I see. This particular piece you've chosen to share with us is too short to criticize on when it comes to the story, so I can't say I have much to say on that except perhaps give you ideas as to what should or could happen next.

Yeah, two things I am iffy about is the storyline because of so many other well-known pieces similar to it. The wording was also difficult for me, because I didn't want to have 1st grade adjectives, but I do agree that I tried to hard. This part of the story is really just the summary; what you'd find on the back of a book. And I guess ideas would be good, but I am somewhat far along in it, and I really don't feel like sharing it until it finished. That's one thing about me- I only share completed work.

N1nja · 06-25-2008, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by (+-Emo-Husky-+)

Yeah, two things I am iffy about is the storyline because of so many other well-known pieces similar to it. The wording was also difficult for me, because I didn't want to have 1st grade adjectives, but I do agree that I tried to hard. This part of the story is really just the summary; what you'd find on the back of a book. And I guess ideas would be good, but I am somewhat far along in it, and I really don't feel like sharing it until it finished. That's one thing about me- I only share completed work.

I actually think it looks like a pretty good start. (I know, I'm not much help as a critic... >.<)

If you want to avoid using 1st grade terms, just try thesaurus.com. It's helped me through a ton of times when I was just... descriptive-wordless...