Something [CQ lawl]

[Fortunato]

The rhythmic chaos that binds me to the plain
of darkest aspiration held in its fiery grasp
Shall burn with indignation with conciseness to pain
And simmer in the moon light then draw in a rasp
whose waters flood canalled brain
who bit their dying gasp
Then sawed against the banister
too far against the grain
Were killed sans inspiration and horror of collapse
In lue of wooden cannister
They threw him off the banister

[FireWrath]

Heh, I actually rather like poetry like this, it maybe dark, but I find a sense of humor in it at the same time. Sadly you know what you're doing, so I can't see a whole lot that I could tell you that you need to improve :/ The only thing I rather dislike there is change in length of the lines, which makes it just seem awkward. It sounded great, too, especially for something that short. Too bad this doesn't suck because I'd love to make a longer list :/

[Fortunato]

Glad you liked it. This is my half hearted attempt at writing under the influence, so it's weird to look back and read it now. I agree on the length shifts; they do take away from it. And I don't know why line 7 doesn't rhyme, but I probably had some sort of reason when I wrote it. xD