I….I….can’t breathe anymore, I tried so hard but it hurts when I do. You know…. My fellow readers, have you ever felt like you are drowning? Have you ever felt like you want to pull a trigger on your head in the hope that everything will just disappear? Have you ever?
The door slammed behind her, the framed picture of us, smiling slid on the wall and I watched the glass crack as it hit the wooden floor. I knew instantly. We are over and there’s nothing I can do about it.
It felt like walking through a desert without water or food for days and days. Only thing you feel is failure, you feel hopeless… you feel like there’s nothing good in the world.
My heart…it is crumbling. Literally I could feel the pain.
There’s nothing you can do now… she’s gone with your kids… your house… your money and your soul. She stole your heart.
+
Maybe this one is for me? Or is this color not for me?”
“Mmmhm huh uh ok whatever”
“You know the whole color palette thing? “
“Geez brother, are you going to spend whole day admiring your butt or what?”
My brother shot the very same glare he shared with me this morning when I dragged him out of the house. I was shopping or desperately trying to do so. After ringing up my purchase with my lovely brother grumbling behind me, I turned around and walked out of the store with my hands full of bags and my thoughts clouded by the rejection letter from the ingenious university I applied to earlier this year. I worked so hard on that essay I did on my thesis on Shakespearean beliefs in early 18 century British lifestyles. Everything went blank, next thing I knew I was on the floor and my bags were splayed all over and this beautiful girl on the earth, with her long black hair, her porcelain white skin and her intoxicating smell, leaned over and pulled me up. She helped me gather my stuff and I with my embarrassingly and desperately small voice cracked.
“Um hello there…” I rubbed my sweaty palms against my jeans
The girl giggled and waved
Oh god… her smile. It make me want to melt.
“Do I know you? You seemed familiar?”
“Erm… no? I never seen you before?”
“You sure? I know I have seen you somewhere around here before, I cant put my finger on it but I know I do”
The girl’s eyebrows knitted in confusion and she shook her head
“Hey, Hey, it is okay, can I have your name and your numbers? And I will call you tonight”
She took out her pen and pulled my hand out, pushed my long sleeve upwards and pressed the black ink on my skin and wrote her numbers and her name then our eyes met. Blue and brown…wow.
Instantly right there, I fell in love with that girl.
After watching the girl walking away with her long raven colored hair swinging behind her, I sighed and absently walked back to my car and started up my car then adjusted my mirror and I saw a tiny figure running and getting bigger and bigger… then my panting brother hopped in the car.
“You forgot me… didn’t you?”
The crowd went wild every time a motorcycle went through the flame encrusted hoops or jumped over fifteen trucks. I pushed past two drunk girls making out and went through the dark doorway and into the room with neon lights and everything.
“One Budweiser please”
I rested my elbows on the wooden counter and waited for my drink then I looked behind me and I saw the girl with long black hair looking all disgusted while the long blonde hair guy looming over her. It was too noisy or dark to see what they were doing but I knew there is something not right, after taking a swig of my beer, I hopped off with a full burst of confidence and walked over to the guy
guess what?
He punched me in the eye but that motivated the girl to leave him, as I blinked and first thing I saw was the girl’s face over me, with the light spilling over her, I thought I had died and gone to the heaven.
“Hey beautiful, want a drink?”
I asked drunkenly
Her giggle was so heartwarming as she pulled me up and we drank for the rest of the night, before she left, she wrote something on a piece of paper and slid it under my hands, then kissed my cheek and left. I drove with her numbers inside my hand, after sneaking back in the house at 3am in the morning with really strong beer smell, the lights flashed on and my brother were standing on the top of the staircase. He hopped down and started to complain, I didn’t care. I was too busy thinking about that girl then my brother snatched the paper out of my hand.
“Oh fuck, that’s private!”
My brother chuckled as he ripped up the paper
“you’re drunk, let’s go to the bed”
I
The ice cold water splashed on me, soaking my bed sheets and my pillows… Pissed, I hopped out of my bed and chased my brother around the house.
“Oh shit. “
I ran over to the phone and held out my arm then dialed the numbers.
“Um who is this?”
“It’s me…remember that dorky guy you bumped into yesterday?, I’m so sorry about not calling last night, I was so tired but… Here’s a small thing… I remember buying you a beer few months ago at that X-Games”
“huh? Really? I don‘t remember you”
“Marissa…is that your name? anyway um… will you go on a date with me? Tomorrow night at Lauino’s? and a surprise afterward?”
“Yes that’s me, Sure! Pick me up at 6”
That night I drove up along her driveway in my sleek black Lamborghini with a picture of bear eating a fawn on the sides. I went out of my car and knocked her door and it opened, first thing I saw was her shiny black heels, then her smooth and shaved legs and a really gorgeous black dress, I think it is called a little black dress, classic… I like it. The shape of the dress, the dress also showed her breasts nicely… I’m not trying to be perverted here but it is true! And then her arms and her neck with black pearl necklace and her black hair cascaded into soft curls that falls on her shoulders like snow.
“So…off we go to Lauino’s?”
“Oh screw this, let’s go to a carnival!”
“but…but your dress?”
“it is okay, did you make a reservations for two?”
“no”
I looked at her and my eyes traveled down to her thigh, so smooth, I could feel my mouth water a little. I snapped my eyes back to the road. Sigh, at the carnival, it is probably one of the best days I ever had in my life. All night long, I have been telling myself to do this and I did.
“I don’t do this that often but…”
I grabbed her hand and pulled her gently to me and put my hand on her neck then I kissed her. To my surprise, she didn’t pull away but instead she wanted to spend a night at my house.
During the drive, I thought about the kiss, and about how the fireworks seemed to go off, about how I felt that spark. I smiled and feeling good about myself as I opened the door and first thing I saw was the dirty dishes in the sink.
“fuck”
I grabbed my brother and threw him against the wall, then I made sure Marissa couldn’t see us.
“GODDAMN IT, NEXT TIME I EXPECT TO SEE THAT FUCKING DIRTY PILE OF DISHES CLEANED AND PUT AWAY AND IF YOU WANT TO LIVE IN THIS FUCKING HOUSE. DO YOUR JOB… god!” I put him down and walked back to my Marissa.
I went to the kitchen, got the best glasses and my favorite bottle of wine, then sat down with her, we spent the rest of the night drinking and talking, I think I drank the most and she yawned, I noticed that she wanted to go to sleep.
But then… I popped the stupidest question ever
“um, do you have a boyfriend?”
Her blue and brown eyes stared blankly back at me
Yeah it is that obvious. I laughed nervously and offered her to her room but instead she wanted to sleep with me.
“Hey, can you help me with my dress?”
I walked over and she turned around, revealing the long zipper, I tugged down on it, then her dress slid down and around her ankles, her naked shoulders were so tempting. I wraps my arms around her waist and hugged her from the behind then my hands slides up to her breasts, I tugged on her nipples, she didn’t seem to mind, oh god it feel so good. I got undressed and we went to my bed. Throughout the night, she slept on me, it felt like we were a couple… you know, a married couple? I was so happy. ‘
In the morning, I stretched my arms out and discovered the bed empty
“ damnit”
I turned my body around and then swung my legs to the floor and my feet found the solid surface, I stood up then walked to my bathroom and the steam burst out when I opened the door and first thing I saw was the pile of clothes. A great relief flooded inside me.
“Oops sorry to bother you”
“Come”
I walked backward, knocking over some stuff on the floor with a gentle thump. I got undressed by one and pulled the curtains back to reveal a beautiful naked girl with the water running down her body. I suddenly felt like a God, I stepped inside and wrapped my arms around her waist, then kissed her neck and worked my way up to her lips. I could feel her hands on my chest, her warmth, her crotch against my legs.
Go ahead and have that steamy shower sex you have been dreaming about! My inner person who I named Tim, urged strongly and his voice rang in my head.
Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex
Come on! You can do it
Tim suggestively whispered in my ears
We kissed and hugged, oh god, she doesn’t mind it when I licked her wet nipples and go down on her, believe me! I’m a virgin and I don’t know what just happened… it is like this seductive side of me came out and here am I, in the shower with the hottest girl ever, doing things that I surprisingly knew how to.
II
After the shower, we went in my bedroom
“Oh wow, I never noticed that you do really have a nice bedroom with the sunlight peeking through the blinds, it is so beautiful… hey, what’s that?”
Her hands were on the rejection letter, Oh shit! I didn’t want her to see how a big failure I am. I threw myself on her and kissed her so passionately in the hope that she would forget about the letter. It didn’t work! She had already read the letter
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