The Streets

[JahKno]

Let me begin with this intro
Just giving you something to think about, I'm letting you know
I May not be from the hood
and I may know my bad from good
But the things going on are understood

Good little girls and boys worrying about getting shot
Parents worrying the little girls and boys are gonna become addicted to pot
Their not really afraid of drugs and murder
There not afraid of some sort of new Ghetto world order
We're afraid of ignorance
So I say Let's combat the ignorance with math and science
Let's use love to void out the crave of vengeance
And can we stop the the street attacks?
You ignoramuses can't see the intelligence you lack?
Now one little girl has lost a brother
And a boy remains vengeful for his mourning Mother
Blind rap artist don't think of the effects given from the words they utter
In a tough world and the process of getting away, young man has to cheat
And up the stairs getting arrested is a deadbeat
The officers found out he had a dope heap
And now across the way, little boy is playing soccer with a piece of concrete
The bigger kids steal the only thing he has from his feet
Farther down watching, playing hop scotch she hasn't missed a beat
Little boy and Girl keep the faith, someone will save you...
From the Streets

[FireWrath]

Looks like this has some potential, but the wording of it loses its purpose. It sounds like you want the children to be educated, yet there are grammatical errors along with the improperly used words which just confused me at first attempt to read it. There's not an actual rhyme scheme that I could catch, which I'm not a fan of, even though it does rhyme. This reminds me of some sort of rap, as opposed to an actual poem, and it has that "ghetto/street" feel to it, even though by the sounds of the poem you're trying to sway away from it.

[JahKno]

Originally Posted by FireWrath

Looks like this has some potential, but the wording of it loses its purpose. It sounds like you want the children to be educated, yet there are grammatical errors along with the improperly used words which just confused me at first attempt to read it. There's not an actual rhyme scheme that I could catch, which I'm not a fan of, even though it does rhyme. This reminds me of some sort of rap, as opposed to an actual poem, and it has that "ghetto/street" feel to it, even though by the sounds of the poem you're trying to sway away from it.

I usually try to write raps but I call them poems because it feels weird callling them raps. towards the end I was trying to give examples but I messed it up.

thanks for the feed back