Title pending. (Really FUCKING long)

[Cataclysmic]

Originally Posted by FireWrath

Normally books don't have a full blown speech in them, and if they do, it's broken up by descriptions of what happens to the surroundings and/or characters. It was a rather interesting read, but I wouldn't stick that in the very beginning, but rather sometime after the introduction itself as a way to show that character's feelings as to what's happening. Either a monologue, or a rather long conversation with another character.

I'm not going to pick at the typos and the whatnot, but the constant correction of that character gets a bit repetitive. Lines such as "One must admit, however, that the approach that was taken to ultimately seize power was, if nothing else, intuitive. No, one must admit nothing" I would probably word different to show that he/she two different thoughts on the same subject, but wouldn't make it an argument between him/herself.

The only country that comes to mind would have to be the United States, though I can't say for sure that that's exactly the one you picked

The counter-thoughts between he and himself are a method of foreshadowing. Whether it be to describe his personality and behavior, or to foreshadow something else.

The fact that he corrects himself could be a sign of many different things, which should let it be void of any criticism until we know what it's meant to tell.

[FireWrath]

Originally Posted by Cataclysmic

The counter-thoughts between he and himself are a method of foreshadowing. Whether it be to describe his personality and behavior, or to foreshadow something else.

The fact that he corrects himself could be a sign of many different things, which should let it be void of any criticism until we know what it's meant to tell.

Keep in mind that the same thing could be done with different wording. The often repetition of the same thing does become dull after while, which is why if you have a character's name you should switch off between the character's name, pronouns like he and she, and the like to simply avoid the constant repetition. Many books become boring because everything written is repeated too many times.

[Fewmitz]

Originally Posted by FireWrath

Normally books don't have a full blown speech in them, and if they do, it's broken up by descriptions of what happens to the surroundings and/or characters. It was a rather interesting read, but I wouldn't stick that in the very beginning, but rather sometime after the introduction itself as a way to show that character's feelings as to what's happening. Either a monologue, or a rather long conversation with another character.

I'm not going to pick at the typos and the whatnot, but the constant correction of that character gets a bit repetitive. Lines such as "One must admit, however, that the approach that was taken to ultimately seize power was, if nothing else, intuitive. No, one must admit nothing" I would probably word different to show that he/she two different thoughts on the same subject, but wouldn't make it an argument between him/herself.

The only country that comes to mind would have to be the United States, though I can't say for sure that that's exactly the one you picked

That character himself won't get actually introduced in the beginning, not til a ways in. The corrects are significant, intended, and not going anywhere. Given, for the purpose they have, maybe the syntax could be rearranged slightly, but it won't change that much, again, that has a significant thing to do with the character.

An as for the intro and rethinking what I wrote, I want it like this. It's not meant to be detailed, it's not meant to serve as a classical introduction. Clarification will be given later. This will serve moreso as a mood-setter, the -actual- introduction will be given by a secondary character in chapter 1, in terms of setting and the like.

You were right on the country, I'm still trying to see if anyone will get the character though. It's unlikely people'll realize it based off of just this because of the way I wrote it, but I'm optimistic.

[FireWrath]

Well is the character an actual person, or based on some other character from elsewhere?

You said that the speech is an introduction, so I assumed you were talking about the one that revealed the settings the whatnots, which is why I said it should probably come later. I never really said to change what you wrote, I was referring more to the syntax of the two opposing thoughts that the character has. It seems like rewording it a bit here and there would reduce that constant repetition

[Fewmitz]

Repitition I'll have to look into. Like I said, I kind of just threw this together in less than 20 minutes yesterday, so there's bound to be little things like that.

But know, maybe it's better to consider this a prologue, setting and such will come later.

And yes, the character is an actual person. He's my own toy, IE not mirrored off of anything (at least anything I've ever read, maybe this has been explored before, I dunno). But, the contradictions are important.

[FireWrath]

Originally Posted by Fewmitz

But know, maybe it's better to consider this a prologue, setting and such will come later.

And yes, the character is an actual person. He's my own toy, IE not mirrored off of anything (at least anything I've ever read, maybe this has been explored before, I dunno). But, the contradictions are important.

Well that's what I was hinting at.

Hmm, perhaps I'll give it another read a bit to see if I can figure it out

[Fewmitz]

The contradictions were written as a way to connect to the audience or develop the character, depending on how you interpret it.

Honestly, I don't think anyone would figure it out, because even if you figure out why he seems to be contradicting himself, what the stems from 1) Isn't normal in a main character and 2) Most people don't define it properly to begin with.

[FireWrath]

Well I look at the things being said, or thought at this point, and the contradictions are just reminders of not looking at certain people. Though I'm not so sure what you mean by when you said he isn't normally isn't a main character? I'm assuming you mean he is not a significant person in reality, but you make him seem as some sort of actor, or perhaps even a side character in some trilogy movie(s), rather than an actual person.

[Fewmitz]

He's Schizophrenic.

The contradictions were used like that to initially connect to the audience, and then add to character development later on once he's formally introduced.

Ta-da.

[FireWrath]

Right, which is exactly why I said I don't need to look back if the character contradicts himself or not to figure out who he's based on