Unamed story.

[-_-]

This is as far as I have gotten.

Chapter one

You know, some people think they have it hard. I was only 4 when, for one reason or another, (probably money or drugs) my parents abandoned me to this ‘’Human Endurance Training Facility.’’ Don’t be fooled though, it’s not as clear-cut as an ordinary ‘’Gym.’’ I mean, I would have never guessed gyms higher guards to beat you to the edge of death. Or gyms forced you through top military training programs every week. No, a more suitable name for this place, as I’ve learned, was hell. Quite literally or so I assume. I’m not sure if I’m alive or dead anymore at this point. It might have something with me misplacing my sanity my fourth year here. It’s kind of weird when you know you’re crazy right?

Imagine yourself in a dark room enclosed by four walls. Someone where in that room stained to the wall shines a white spot. Now say the darkness is your conscience and the stain your sanity. Everyday your roam about the roam naively, exploring it’s endless depths, but no matter how far you wander yours always wary of the stain. You grasp it when making even the smallest decisions, right from wrong, do this, do that. You’re always embracing it, even when the darkness overwhelms your thoughts (sleep) it protects your mind.

Now, I imagine yourself in the same room enclosed in naught but darkness, floating around indefinitely and freely, never really aware of where you are or what you are doing. Nothing holding your mind from the natural world. No barrier protecting your thoughts or secrets, total freedom from life’s normal pressures, total freedom from reality itself, a constant battle with yourself.
Welcome to my mind.

As I lied there, in my too small one man cell, or should I say massive dog cage. I went through my mourning attempt to regain my sanity, it was always amusing.
‘’Who am I?’’ I thought.
‘’Oh me? I’m Zail Carth and I’m going to kill you, nice to meet you though.’’
‘’No no, the honor is mine! Would you like to come in?’’ I asked myself, knowing the answer.
A smile stretched across my face at the thought of a visitor, even if it was myself. Unfortunately my rare smile, you know the one you actually mean, didn’t last long when I recalled what I was trying to accomplish in the first place. I let out a sigh and closed my eyes, concentrating.
‘’WHO am I?’’ I repeated
‘’I know who I am, my name is Zail Carth.’’ Staying focused isn’t as hard as it use to be.
‘’I am seventeen years old.’’ I decided to state facts about myself, just to warm things up.
‘’I am tall maybe 6’2. I am pale. I have short brown hair and Hazel eyes.’’
My eyes scrunched up as I felt the darkness I knew too well leek back in. I sighed and loosened my expression as a dark room appeared before me.
‘’Here’s the boring part’’ I muttered into the darkness, already searching.
I wandered around the dark room mindlessly searching for the white stain. I maneuvered down the room eyes peeled to the walls, not missing a single detail. Outside my conscience my body was laying completely still, eyes wide open, staring at nothing. Dreaming awake would be the best way to describe it. After a few hours, I gave up searching for something clearly not there and regained what consciences I had left. I continued my daily routine of brushing my teeth with the rancid toothbrush I’d earned then walked over to my infamous black bucket to relive myself. Afterwards I washed my body using sink water and soap and finished by doing 300 pushups.
When my mourning actives we’re complete and I have nothing to occupy my mind further, I went to lay down on my fairly uncomfortable futon. I closed my eyes and swam around the darkness, letting my thoughts process. First, I pandered the thought of how to kill a human with a simple shoe, but it was too easy. Force suffocation, Strangle with laces, or maybe just an old fashion beating to death. The thought didn’t give me my usual self concentrated high, so I moved on, rummaging through the darkness casually, ignoring all of the unsatisfactory thoughts, searching for one that caught my interest. To my luck it didn’t take long to find one. Though it wasn’t as sadistic as I had hoped, it will suffice. It was about my parents, you know for someone abandoned as an infant, you’d think it would be a touchy subject, you know the whole “mental trauma thing?” Eh screw it, how more messed up could I get anyway? I let the memory seep in slowly, enjoying the rush. I could almost see a clear imagine of my mother when suddenly, the darkness was fading and I was unwilling shot back into conciseness by a sharp pain in my ribs, before I could think I was gasping at another wave of pain. I opened my eyes only to be staring right into a chubby face that was more than happy to see me awake.
“Happy birthday trash.” Spat the guard jamming his combat boot into my ribs. I howled in pain waiting for the waves of pain to subdue. The guard laughed a husky laugh while holding his hand to his bulging stomach and wiping falling tears from his beady eyes with his other. It reminded me of Santa Claus in a way and I couldn’t help but to let out a huge grin. It confused him, as I knew it would, rubbing his hands through his greasy black hair in frustration at my sudden joy he took a step back and looked me over with disgust twisted in his face. He was probably thinking about trying to hit me again, but I knew he wouldn’t I was awake now. He sighed showing the signs of defeat in his face and opened the large black bag he’d been carrying on his shoulder.
“Put these on, wash up and be ready to leave in 5 minutes dog. Said the guard, throwing an old pair of jeans, a funky gray tank top, and a small mirror at me. (With too much effort if I might say.)
I caught all three of the items easily, barley moving my arms and ignoring the pain the mirror shot through me at contact with my fingers. I widened my grin, letting him see the pink of my gums.
The guard looked me over one good time, with the same expression of disgust, turned and walked away through the steel bars shaking his head and mumbling the whole way. He only stopped once at that was only to check the lock on the door and was gone. I rushed up fingering my newly found bruise and ran to the sink to straighten my short hair, as best I could anyway. It’s been a while since I’ve last had a chance to look at myself clearly and I must admit. I was a little surprised.
I was very pale, from lack of sunlight obviously, I had muscles bulging from almost every part of my body, due to all of the never ending training and labor I was put through. Oddly enough, I wasn’t scary looking at all. My eyes were soft and brown; they showed who I really was. They were the eyes of someone gentle, Innocent like a child, but they had a profound edge to them that made me smile, was this due to the darkness roaming throughout me? I liked it. After looking almost decent, I walked to the edge of my cage and gripped the bars, thinking about what the guard had said if it was my birthday I was eighteen and legally an adult.
I pondered the benefits I might have had as an adult in the free world. The freedom and respect I could have earned the family I could have had if I would have had a chance to grow up normally. The thoughts reawakened emotions I’ve fought over the years to suppress and for a moment, I felt alien. I rubbed them away gentle, the tears swelling in my eyes, careful not to let one slide down my face. I didn’t need more insults coming from the guards. I felt a hot burning sensation in my left hand and noticed it was red from gripping the bar, which was now slightly bent. At least these training exercises were good for something.