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07-14-2008, 05:16 PM
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#1 (permalink)
| | Junior Member
LunareBoi is offline
Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 26 Rep Power: 2 | We miss You Sharon <3
A tear streams down, and holds this place
You left us alone, thrown in the dark
I just wish to see your face
My last words a cold remark.
A cry erupts from your little girl
Shes so cold and alone
All along the room seems to twirl
Shes breaking inside, smile shown
Please come back, we need you here
Your gone now, as we all cry
Im willing to lend my ear
Now you go to your final place
Once again Your daughter cries
We all wish to see your face
One last time, your daughter slowly dies | |
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07-14-2008, 06:43 PM
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#2 (permalink)
| | OH FUCK.
Nikki-Nervosa is offline
Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: THE 503... Bitch. Age: 1 Posts: 763 Rep Power: 5 | that's really pretty.
but really sad...
I'm sorry for your loss..
__________________ ILU <3 FEWMITZ
AIM= NIKKIOMFGILU fuck you.
nojkjkjklolololol
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07-14-2008, 11:10 PM
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#3 (permalink)
| | Underground
Theebomb1080 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: So Cal Age: 18 Posts: 617 Rep Power: 1 | I do say, dear chap, what kind of riff-raff art thou poem. In thee midst of worries thy shall trow positively.
__________________ [00:36] iClitoris: <3 I'm good at cramming and such
Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not
want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to
live. | |
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07-15-2008, 04:55 PM
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#4 (permalink)
| | Junior Member
Spotlaonda is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 49 Rep Power: 1 | it was sad, but very good (Y) | |
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07-15-2008, 06:59 PM
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#5 (permalink)
| | Sick 'em up, little buddy
Fortunato is offline
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Iowa City, IA. Age: 20 Posts: 2,516 Rep Power: 11 | Quote:
Originally Posted by Theebomb1080  I do say, dear chap, what kind of riff-raff art thou poem. In thee midst of worries thy shall trow positively. | This isn't Spamzville. Start posting actually commentary or I'm going to 3x infract you; this is the second post today. This time, you're not even in the Shakespeare topic. | |
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07-16-2008, 02:13 PM
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#6 (permalink)
| | Underground
Theebomb1080 is offline
Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: So Cal Age: 18 Posts: 617 Rep Power: 1 | Quote:
Originally Posted by Bunneh This isn't Spamzville. Start posting actually commentary or I'm going to 3x infract you; this is the second post today. This time, you're not even in the Shakespeare topic. | This was posted before that AND it actually makes sense. It says what type of poem is this? In the middle of all this troubles/sadness you should try and think in a positive manner.
__________________ [00:36] iClitoris: <3 I'm good at cramming and such
Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not
want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to
live. | |
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07-16-2008, 03:32 PM
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#7 (permalink)
| | Junior Member
Holy Diver is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008 Age: 16 Posts: 17 Rep Power: 0 | awwwwwwe this poem is sad ='( i hope things get better for you ^.^ | |
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07-16-2008, 06:13 PM
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#8 (permalink)
| | Resident Psychopath.
Fewmitz is online now Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: fewmitz@live.com Posts: 4,724 Rep Power: 15 | I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: This poem was not good.
Sad, sure, I guess. Good, no.
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07-18-2008, 08:18 PM
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#9 (permalink)
| | Member
Gumtr33 is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 159 Rep Power: 1 | Quote:
Originally Posted by Fewmitz I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: This poem was not good.
Sad, sure, I guess. Good, no. | It'd be helpful if you could tell the user why, even briefly, their poem isn't good.
Just a suggestion, not trying to start something. (streeeeetch)
Anyway, I'm not a big critic on poetry; too many courses fried my brain. The very least I could say is that the emotion is definitely there. | |
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07-19-2008, 01:06 PM
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#10 (permalink)
| | Member
RelativelyCool is offline
Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 91 Rep Power: 1 | Meh it's ok. | |
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